A Question of love

“It’s very simple. I want to fall in love with a girl and get married. I can’t imagine sharing my life with a stranger” shouted Bharath at his parents.

His voice reverberated in the small room. There was total silence for a few minutes before his father finally spoke. “So you have already selected a girl for yourself is it?” he asked with a tinge of sarcasm in his voice.

“No appa (father). Not yet. But I want to find her myself and I do not want the stars to decide my match but only my heart” he replied back.

 

“Tell me names of any 10 girls whom you know or you’re acquainted with” asked his father. This question was out of the blue and caught him completely off-guard. He frantically started murmuring some names and counted the numbers simultaneously using his fingers.

“Appa! (Father) I have only 6 till now. Is that fine?” he replied.

“And how many of them are married or already have someone else in their life?” asked his father.

He started counting again and finally said “4 are married and the other two have boy friends”.

“So effectively you do not even know a single girl who can accept you or rather you can choose” retorted his father.

 

Just then Rakesh entered the scene with wedding invitations in his hand and was taken aback by what he heard. Bharath was very embarrassed by his father’s remarks and he hung his head down. Everyone in the room stood still in silence as if witnessing a flag hoisting ceremony before Rakesh finally spoke.

 

“Hello Uncle! How are you?” asked Rakesh.

“I am doing fine. The wedding bells are ringing is it?” asked Bharath’s father on noticing the wedding cards in Rakesh’s hand.

He nodded with a big smile and gave the wedding card to Bharath’s parents.

“Love or arranged?” asked Bharath’s father as he was scanning through the invite.

“Love marriage uncle. She was from my college and we have been in love for 6 years now” replied Rakesh.

“We will definitely be there to bless you on the D-day son. Our advance wishes to both of you” told Bharath’s father.

“You encourage love when it comes to others but you condemn it in my case. Why am I being treated differently?” questioned Bharath.

 

“If you had been in love and had I opposed your marriage to that person, your argument holds good. I am not against love marriages. I am just against the notion of yours that only people who love and marry can stay happy” replied his father calmly.

 

“But how can we get to meet a stranger just once, speak a few lines and decide him/her to be your life partner? Is it not required for me to understand that person better as she is going to walk along the path with me throughout my life? That is one of the main reasons why I don’t prefer to have an arranged marriage” told Bharath.

 

“I too agree with Bharath on this point uncle. This system of arranged marriage in itself is crap. They make the girl a saleable commodity, make her offer sweets, do namaskars and then ask her to sing, dance etc. Then they offer a couple of minutes for the couple to interact with each other and share their 20 odd years of existence. How can a guy or a girl make up their mind based on those two minutes of interaction?” retorted Rakesh in support of his friend.

 

Before I give a reply to you, I have a few questions to ask you.

 

Bharath’s Father (BF) - When and where did you first meet Rupa?

 

Rakesh - I saw her the first time in my college bus when I was doing my second year.

 

BF - And did you immediately fall for her or did you become acquainted with her before liking her?

 

Rakesh- I liked her looks initially and started moving with her to know more about her. She is an intelligent girl and we both had a common passion for music. I finally started liking her and I proposed my love to her.

 

BF - And did she immediately accept your proposal?

 

Rakesh - She too liked me but she did not accept to my proposal initially. She told me that she had plans of doing an MS from USA and only then she can think of marriage. She also wanted me to get settled in a good job here so that it would be easy to convince her parents that I am an ideal match.

 

BF - What did you have to say to that?

 

Rakesh - I too agreed to what she said and we focused on our career for 2 yrs after college and we disclosed our love for each other only this year to our parents.

 

BF - Did your parents accept your love without opposition?

 

Rakesh - Her parents did not have any reservations about marrying her to me. But they just had one condition that I should be moving independently into a new house after my marriage.

My parents did not accept to the proposal for two reasons. First, they did not want me to move away and second, she was from a different caste.

It took a lot of time for both of us to convince our parents and finally they agreed to the marriage.

 

BF- Have you decided to move to a new house and has she got converted to your caste?

 

Rakesh- Neither has happened. I told her parents that I stay in a joint family and that I would ensure she feels comfortable and at home in my place.

She has started learning our traditions and customs and has accepted to adjust herself with what is being followed in my house.

 

BF- What was the last movie that you had watched?

 

Rakesh - I watched Billu Barber uncle.

 

BF – Oh! So you are a great SRK fan is it?

 

Rakesh - Not really. I don’t even understand Hindi. I went for that movie because she’s a fan of SRK and did not want to miss his flicks.

 

BF - And what is the last restaurant that you went to?

 

Rakesh - I went to Anjappar restaurant uncle.

 

BF - You are a vegetarian aren’t you and I guess that restaurant is famous for non-vegetarian food items.

 

Rakesh - Yes uncle! She has a penchant for chicken items and so we went there. I took whatever was available in vegetarian and she took non-vegetarian.

 

Now I have a question uncle. Why were you asking me all these questions suddenly?

 

BF - You met a girl and immediately started liking her because of her looks. Then you started moving with her, to know her better and in the process you understood that you loved her. Since then, both of you have made a lot of adjustments to accommodate each other in your lives.

 

This is exactly what happens in arranged marriage too. The only difference being, that the adjustments and the understanding part happens after the marriage. Here again they make you look at the girl first, but in a formal set-up.

 

I agree with you that making the girl sing, dance, offer sweets and coffee and make her behave like a puppet is not good. But times are changing and this practice will soon end as girls too are getting competitive with men in every field.

 

Won’t your parents know your likes and dislikes and will they not be able to pick a girl who will suit you better? The only difficult part is that you do not have a choice here. In love, or rather in the name of love, you have the privilege of moving with opposite sex and breaking up if it doesn’t work out. But this provision is ruled out here.

 

Be it love or arranged marriage, for the relationship to sustain and hold on, both of them should understand each other and must be prepared to make some adjustments for other’s sake. When they start respecting each other’s personal space and make those adjustments, the relationship becomes fruitful.

If everyone has to love and get married, then more than half the men and women in this world would end up as only bachelors and spinsters.

 

Rakesh thinks – (Ohh! Finally! He has finished his lecture. Let me not spur this any further. I have another 20 people to invite today)

 

Rakesh – Very true Uncle! I agree with you completely. I will take leave of you now and I am expecting you all to be there on the D-day.

 

BF – Sure son! Take care.

 

Son! I know you are confused now. You are not the type of person who goes behind a girl and makes her fall for you with your antics. You are reserved by nature and it is best for you to be yourself. We have brought you up for 26 yrs now and we know what type of person would suit you better. You need to trust your parents to get a good match for you.

 

Bharath stands perplexed not knowing what to say. He realizes that what his father pointed out was true but his mind is still not convinced about letting them decide a match for him. He reluctantly nods and walks away towards his bedroom.